Dear Mean Neighbors

Dear Mean Neighbors,

I’m sitting in our back yard right now, feeling calm, listening to the sounds of my children playing and our nice neighbors talking and playing music.  It’s a peaceful Sunday afternoon.  You haven’t taken that away from us.  Daddy P had a nice long chat with your neighbors, and they love the work we are doing on the yard, and complimented us on our “pretty” dogs. 

An hour ago, a week ago, two weeks ago, I’ve had moments of anger, rage and hatred for you.  For opening my own eyes to the cruelty of the world, for giving my daughter nightmares, but I’ve also had moments like right now, which I am going to aim for thus forward. 

The word’s of the Lord’s Prayer keep going through my mind, “and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”.  I forgive you.  I want to live in peace now, even if you don’t.  I don’t want to live obsessed with looking out my window, worrying about what you are going to do next.

I’m not going to give you the power to upset my day anymore.  I’m going to smile and wave at you, and hope you have a nice day, and really mean it.  You can choose to be mean and nasty and vile.  I’m going to choose to be nice and kind and loving.

Dear World

Dear World,

Today I sent out two huge pieces of my heart, walking, talking, living, breathing pieces of me.  My babies that grew within me.  You don’t see them as I do, won’t take care of them as I do, to you they must seem like normal children, sometimes whiny, annoying, with sticky hands and noses filled with boogies and sometimes even wet pants or scrapped knees, but to me they are the precious bundles of joy that I brought home 4 & 5 years ago.  My babies.  It makes it easier knowing that I've sent them to a place filled with love, a place I can visit any time I like, where the teachers, other parents and most of the school staff have known them since birth.  A place where they've grown close to friends, and where they will only be separated by one wall, but it’s still hard.

I can’t count the times someone has said to me, “Don’t blink, they’ll be grown up”, and it is so very true.  Time has never passed so quickly since G was born.  Just the other day I was telling something that these last 5 years of my life have been the best ever, what I have wanted from the time I was a little girl, and yet the time is fleeting.  Soon Bro will be in school, and my years being a “SAHM” will be over.  I dread that time.  Sure there are days that I long for quiet or a break, time not to have to be on high alert about everything, but now, as I sit here in a quiet house, with no screams, giggles, cries or fights to settle I feel alone (even as Bro sits here nursing and sleeping in my lap), there will be no art projects making a sticky, glittery mess on my kitchen table, no massive tea parties (using real water of course), just me and Bro, to do and go as we please.  And while that may be easier than having all 3, I will be running to the store during daytime hours and not getting a massive headache, I will be folding laundry with no one jumping in it, I already miss my sweet G and my sweet K.

I’m off to fold my laundry, cry my tears and snuggle my sweet boy.

Be kind to my girls World.  They’re still in a safe circle of love and warmth and protection at their sweet school, but it’s not the same as Mommy’s care.