1. Daddy P heads back to work this week and I am dreading it. Not because I'll be home alone with 3 kids, 3 & under for 12+hours, 5 days a week, but because I know how hard it will be on our marriage. He'll be waking up at 5am to leave M-F, working all day in his "cube", fighting horrible traffic and getting home between 6:30 and 7pm every night, stressed out and exhausted. I'll be waiting for him to get home, desperate for a break, some adult conversation and exhausted myself. The girls will be waiting for him to play and won't want to go to bed, leaving NO time for Daddy P and I to even talk, much less have a little snuggle. It's just going to be hard. There's no way around it, and the only thing that will help is for Daddy P and I to try and be patient and loving towards one another, which is difficult when we'll both be exhausted and stressed (I love being a SAHM, but being alone with kids all day long can be wearing and when Daddy P is stressed I get stressed. Maybe it will be better than I'm predicting. I can only hope.
2. It's almost been 1 year since Kenny died. For some reason the date I'm most dreading is June 4th~ 9 days before he actually died, but the last day I saw him. We were ending our sudden trip up there, and had stayed a few days longer than planned. Our last stop on our way out was the facility he was being cared for at. He was in a great mood, happy and chipper. I went to see him very early in the morning and helped him eat his oatmeal, cut up his banana and fixed his drink just the way he liked it. Before I left I told him I'd be back and he asked me to bring his walker. He had more energy than any other time I'd seen that trip. Daddy P, the girls & I went back 1 more time, literally on our way back home, brought him his walker, and talked. He again thanked Daddy P for bringing us to him, and he & I had a great conversation. Our good bye was perfect, though he and I both cried, it was perfect. By the time my Mom got up there on Tuesday, just 4 days later he wasn't really communicating and 9 days later he was gone. I'm so glad we went up when we did and that Kenny & I had the time together, but I also have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that soon it will have been a year since that goodbye, since I laid my head on his chest, heard his heart beating and we told each other how much we loved each other.
3. Bro is growing SO fast! Knowing he is my last baby (according to Daddy P & recommended by Dr. Love) I'm trying to soak in every minute I have with him and with the girls. I LOVE being a Mother and would have 10 kids if I could. I'm still trying to come to grips with the thought of never being pregnant again. That thought makes me sad--anyone have tips for dealing with that?
4. I'm finally feeling more like myself again! 5 1/2 weeks post c-section and I'm feeling like I did 1 week after the girls were born. It's great to be able to lift up K and even lift up G on occasion!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Happy Mother's Day: My Gift!!!
To me Mother's Day is everyday. Granted I don't appreciated every day like I should, anywhere near like I should, but I have the things in life that I need and want.
I am married to a man, the super Daddy P, who is in full agreement with my desire to be a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM). We don't exchange gifts on any holiday or birthday, there's just no budget for it, but I remind him often that my gift is being a SAHM. Instead of dropping my children off somewhere each morning I get to be at home with them pretty much all day, every day, and while there ARE moments during each day that I would love to run off and escape somewhere, I truly view each day as my Mother's Day (Birthday/Anniversary/Christmas) gift. My children are only going to be babies, toddlers & preschoolers once. There is no place I would rather be than at home raising them myself. I'm already seeing how quickly time passes.
Much to my unease G is starting preschool 3 half days a week in the fall. The fall, and I am already staying up at night stressing over this. For her entire life she's been with me, and the few times I've been away she's been in the care of Daddy P or Grammy & Grampy. Starting in August I will have to drop her off to be in the care of someone else for 4 hours a day. Some Mother's may relish this time, and I may grow to, but for now I can't imagine what it will be like not to have her with me. I don't want to hold her back, and am thankful she will be in a school that Grammy & Grampy are very involved in and that is a very short distance from our home, BUT I am dreading the day that I take her there and leave her and drive away with K & Bro. I know that all too soon they will be doing the same and I will be back in the world of the working, looking back at my days of being a SAHM with looonging.
When I first became a Mother I told a friend I had found the job I was born to do. She, another SAHM, said she felt the same way. It's the only way I can describe it to people. The second G was born I knew that being a SAHM was the best job in the world for me and what I had waited for my entire life.
So today, the official day of recognition for Mother's everywhere, I celebrate my journey in Motherhood. Yes there are times I wish I had a lunch break or the ability to run out for anything, but those are the minority, minutes or seconds of my life, and aren't what my days are made of.
Thanks to Daddy P for giving me a gift, well 3 gifts ;), I get to enjoy every single day of my life, I don't know what I'd do without a hubby like you!
I am married to a man, the super Daddy P, who is in full agreement with my desire to be a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM). We don't exchange gifts on any holiday or birthday, there's just no budget for it, but I remind him often that my gift is being a SAHM. Instead of dropping my children off somewhere each morning I get to be at home with them pretty much all day, every day, and while there ARE moments during each day that I would love to run off and escape somewhere, I truly view each day as my Mother's Day (Birthday/Anniversary/Christmas) gift. My children are only going to be babies, toddlers & preschoolers once. There is no place I would rather be than at home raising them myself. I'm already seeing how quickly time passes.
Much to my unease G is starting preschool 3 half days a week in the fall. The fall, and I am already staying up at night stressing over this. For her entire life she's been with me, and the few times I've been away she's been in the care of Daddy P or Grammy & Grampy. Starting in August I will have to drop her off to be in the care of someone else for 4 hours a day. Some Mother's may relish this time, and I may grow to, but for now I can't imagine what it will be like not to have her with me. I don't want to hold her back, and am thankful she will be in a school that Grammy & Grampy are very involved in and that is a very short distance from our home, BUT I am dreading the day that I take her there and leave her and drive away with K & Bro. I know that all too soon they will be doing the same and I will be back in the world of the working, looking back at my days of being a SAHM with looonging.
When I first became a Mother I told a friend I had found the job I was born to do. She, another SAHM, said she felt the same way. It's the only way I can describe it to people. The second G was born I knew that being a SAHM was the best job in the world for me and what I had waited for my entire life.
So today, the official day of recognition for Mother's everywhere, I celebrate my journey in Motherhood. Yes there are times I wish I had a lunch break or the ability to run out for anything, but those are the minority, minutes or seconds of my life, and aren't what my days are made of.
Thanks to Daddy P for giving me a gift, well 3 gifts ;), I get to enjoy every single day of my life, I don't know what I'd do without a hubby like you!
Friday, May 6, 2011
1 Month Old
Dear Bro,
Today you are officially 1 Month Old, Happy Birthday little man! In your 1 month on earth you've officially won the hearts of so many people, the main ones being me, Daddy P, G & K. Grammy & Grampy also fell immediately in love with you! G & K still smother you with kisses, sometimes in the literal sense and we've started to pull them off of you. You've brought so much joy to our life in the short time you've been here and I can't wait to see the little boy, young man and adult you grow up to be!
1 Month Stats & Info
Weight: 9lbs 3oz!!! (Edit on 5/13/11 you weigh 10lbs 2oz--gained 1 lb in 8 days!!!)
Today you are officially 1 Month Old, Happy Birthday little man! In your 1 month on earth you've officially won the hearts of so many people, the main ones being me, Daddy P, G & K. Grammy & Grampy also fell immediately in love with you! G & K still smother you with kisses, sometimes in the literal sense and we've started to pull them off of you. You've brought so much joy to our life in the short time you've been here and I can't wait to see the little boy, young man and adult you grow up to be!
1 Month Stats & Info
Weight: 9lbs 3oz!!! (Edit on 5/13/11 you weigh 10lbs 2oz--gained 1 lb in 8 days!!!)
- You are now in Size 1 diapers
- You still wear NB clothing, but it is getting tight! Size 0-3 Months is huge on you, but we put you in it sometimes!
- You are spitting up a lot, but growing well!
- You rarely cry...if you do it is because you are hungry or have a dirty diaper
- Your eyes are still blue! I'm wondering if they are going to stay that way.
- You sleep for 2 hours in the morning and 4 hours in the afternoon. You sleep in 4 hour stretches during the night. I still put you on the angel monitor, but you'd rather be in bed with me!
- When you are awake you just sit and take the world in with your eyes wide open.
- You love to be skin to skin with me.
- You love your evening bath...even though it's with your sisters & I every night ;)
- You love to nurse and are a super nurser!
Kid Quotes
May 14, 2011
Me to G: "It's time for Mommy to hold Brother now" G to Me: "But Mommy when I hold Brother it makes him happy, when you hold him it makes him sad"
May 13, 2011
(G was watching Daddy P go potty)
G: "Are you going to put it back in your pants now?" Daddy P : "Um yes I can't walk around with it out!"
May 6, 2011
Me, "G do we color on blocks?" G, "But Mommy I decided to make you a project so I colored them blue, because it's your favorite color."
April 2011
G, "Mommy why does Dr. Love have to cut baby brother's out of Mommies tummies?"
Feb 23, 2011
me, "How is your pull up G?" G: "My pull up is nice & dry Mommy, how are your panties?"
January 31, 2011
G, "Maybe we should get some pink squeaky shoes, cause that's my favortie color, and Sissy has my old squeaky shoes, and i love squeaky shoes"
January 21, 2011
G to me, "What are you eating?" Me, "I'm just drinking a Diet Coke", G to me, "But I (s)mell twizzlers, did you eat a twizzler???" Me, "Um, yes...." Can't believe she caught me by the smell!
Me to G: "It's time for Mommy to hold Brother now" G to Me: "But Mommy when I hold Brother it makes him happy, when you hold him it makes him sad"
May 13, 2011
(G was watching Daddy P go potty)
G: "Are you going to put it back in your pants now?" Daddy P : "Um yes I can't walk around with it out!"
May 6, 2011
Me, "G do we color on blocks?" G, "But Mommy I decided to make you a project so I colored them blue, because it's your favorite color."
April 2011
G, "Mommy why does Dr. Love have to cut baby brother's out of Mommies tummies?"
Feb 23, 2011
me, "How is your pull up G?" G: "My pull up is nice & dry Mommy, how are your panties?"
January 31, 2011
G, "Maybe we should get some pink squeaky shoes, cause that's my favortie color, and Sissy has my old squeaky shoes, and i love squeaky shoes"
January 21, 2011
G to me, "What are you eating?" Me, "I'm just drinking a Diet Coke", G to me, "But I (s)mell twizzlers, did you eat a twizzler???" Me, "Um, yes...." Can't believe she caught me by the smell!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Quickies
1. I am so tired lately I can't think straight. It's not really because of Bro either. Yes he wakes every few hours (he will sleep for 2-4 hours at a time) but I feed him and go back to sleep. I think it is just the overwhelming exhaustion of having 3 kids ages 3, 21 months & newborn, recovering from my c-section and trying to do too much too fast. I'm also having problems getting to sleep at night, which doesn't help my fatigue. Daddy P hasn't even gone back to work yet, so I can't imagine how it will be then.
2. I am feeling guilty a lot lately. I can't give 50%, much less 100%, to anyone right now, and the ones who seem to be taking that the worst are G & K. K follows me around crying for me to pick her up a lot. And G asks me over 10x each day "Why does Dr. Love have to cut baby brother's out of Mommy's tummies", and spends each night before she goes to bed asking me when my tummy will be better so I can pick her & K up. We literally spend an hour talking about this at the end of each day. The conversation goes in circles because it always goes back to "Why does Dr. Love have to cut baby brother's out of Mommy's tummies?" Again, Daddy P hasn't gone back to work yet, so I can't imagine how things will be then. I don't want to spend my days with me yelling at the kids or parking them in front of the TV.
3. I'm 4 weeks postpartum and still not as recovered as I was a week after the girls were born. C-Sections suck. I've read about how women who have c-sections sometimes feel let down, like they missed out on something, and while I strongly feel that the only thing that matters is getting a baby into the world safely, I do feel like I missed out on somethings....in saying that I'm eternally thankful that I had a c-section because it saved Bro's life & mine and although I would have liked to see & hold Bro right when he was born and the hours afterwards, I'm much happier they were working on his breathing.
Bro is 1 month old and I can't believe how fast time is passing!
2. I am feeling guilty a lot lately. I can't give 50%, much less 100%, to anyone right now, and the ones who seem to be taking that the worst are G & K. K follows me around crying for me to pick her up a lot. And G asks me over 10x each day "Why does Dr. Love have to cut baby brother's out of Mommy's tummies", and spends each night before she goes to bed asking me when my tummy will be better so I can pick her & K up. We literally spend an hour talking about this at the end of each day. The conversation goes in circles because it always goes back to "Why does Dr. Love have to cut baby brother's out of Mommy's tummies?" Again, Daddy P hasn't gone back to work yet, so I can't imagine how things will be then. I don't want to spend my days with me yelling at the kids or parking them in front of the TV.
3. I'm 4 weeks postpartum and still not as recovered as I was a week after the girls were born. C-Sections suck. I've read about how women who have c-sections sometimes feel let down, like they missed out on something, and while I strongly feel that the only thing that matters is getting a baby into the world safely, I do feel like I missed out on somethings....in saying that I'm eternally thankful that I had a c-section because it saved Bro's life & mine and although I would have liked to see & hold Bro right when he was born and the hours afterwards, I'm much happier they were working on his breathing.
Bro is 1 month old and I can't believe how fast time is passing!
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