Quickies

1.  Daddy P heads back to work this week and I am dreading it.  Not because I'll be home alone with 3 kids, 3 & under for 12+hours, 5 days a week, but because I know how hard it will be on our marriage.  He'll be waking up at 5am to leave M-F, working all day in his "cube", fighting horrible traffic and getting home between 6:30 and 7pm every night, stressed out and exhausted.  I'll be waiting for him to get home, desperate for a break, some adult conversation and exhausted myself.  The girls will be waiting for him to play and won't want to go to bed, leaving NO time for Daddy P and I to even talk, much less have a little snuggle.  It's just going to be hard.  There's no way around it, and the only thing that will help is for Daddy P and I to try and be patient and loving towards one another, which is difficult when we'll both be exhausted and stressed (I love being a SAHM, but being alone with kids all day long can be wearing and when Daddy P is stressed I get stressed.  Maybe it will be better than I'm predicting.  I can only hope.

2.  It's almost been 1 year since Kenny died.   For some reason the date I'm most dreading is June 4th~ 9 days before he actually died, but the last day I saw him.  We were ending our sudden trip up there, and had stayed a few days longer than planned.  Our last stop on our way out was the facility he was being cared for at.  He was in a great mood, happy and chipper.  I went to see him very early in the morning and helped him eat his oatmeal, cut up his banana and fixed his drink just the way he liked it.  Before I left I told him I'd be back and he asked me to bring his walker.  He had more energy than any other time I'd seen that trip.  Daddy P, the girls & I went back 1 more time, literally on our way back home, brought him his walker, and talked.  He again thanked Daddy P for bringing us to him, and he & I had a great conversation.  Our good bye was perfect, though he and I both cried, it was perfect.  By the time my Mom got up there on Tuesday, just 4 days later he wasn't really communicating and 9 days later he was gone.  I'm so glad we went up when we did and that Kenny & I had the time together, but I also have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing that soon it will have been a year since that goodbye, since I laid my head on his chest, heard his heart beating and we told each other how much we loved each other.

3.  Bro is growing SO fast!  Knowing he is my last baby (according to Daddy P & recommended by Dr. Love) I'm trying to soak in every minute I have with him and with the girls.  I LOVE being a Mother and would have 10 kids if I could.  I'm still trying to come to grips with the thought of never being pregnant again.  That thought makes me sad--anyone have tips for dealing with that?

4.  I'm finally feeling more like myself again!  5 1/2 weeks post c-section and I'm feeling like I did 1 week after the girls were born.  It's great to be able to lift up K and even lift up G on occasion!