9/11/2001

I was supposed to get married in August 2001. 

Instead I had called off my engagement, and decided to move to NYC for an internship.  I finished my classes at GSU and set off on a new adventure.  One in New York City.  Working with people who were living, and dying, with AIDS.

My internship was scheduled to start Sept 10.  At a place called Rivington House.  On the lower east side; close to Little Italy.  When I visited Rivington House for the first time Vinny, the Recreation Therapy Manager took me up to the roof to show me the view.  There was a perfect view of the Twin Towers, and a variety of other buildings.  I was amazed.  I couldn't wait to start, and not just because of the view. 

Vinny called me a week before Sept 10th, my intended start date, and asked if I could delay a week so I could start at the same time as the other intern.  I was happy to wait, and spent that week in Northampton with Mamie & Kenny.

On the morning of September 11, I was awoken by my phone ringing and ringing.  It wouldn't stop.  I was SO annoyed and didn't know why it was ringing like that, that early in the morning.  Finally I picked up and it was a friend of mine telling me to look out my window--which I did, and saw good ole Vernon St, the same as it ever was.  Everyone thought I was in NYC, starting my internship though.  What I learned quickly was that something was happening in New York City, something no one could understand. 

I went downstairs and sat on the couch, while Kenny sat in his rocking chair, Mamie in Kenny's big green chair--doing a crossword, and we all watched as a second plane flew into one of the towers.  I was in shock, and remember asking Kenny what was happening.  We then watched as one, then both of the towers collapsed.  My boyfriend at the time was a reporter, living in New York City, and I called him to see if he was ok, and to find out more details.  They were slow to come.  Everyone was confused.  Cell phone lines were tied up.  People were running, trying to leave the city in anyway possible.

Less than a week later I was headed into the city.  I didn't really understand what had happened, nor the impact of what had happened.  That first night as we drove into the city we were stopped at a check point.  It was a Sunday evening.  I started my internship the next morning.

Though I was born and raised in upstate New York, I was far from a "city girl".  The subways terrified me and I didn't go out after dark (this only lasted for about a month), but now the city I had just moved to had just suffered a terrorist attack.  Things I had never, and have never since experienced became my new normal.  Getting off the train in the lower east side, walking up the subway stairs, the stench would immediately hit one.  It wasn't just a stench of fire, or something that had burnt up, it was the stench of death.  Of decaying bodies.  Some days it was better than others, and some days so much worse.  Then there were the missing persons posters.  Thousands of them.  Covering the walls and stairwells. 

"Last seen September 11, 2001, going into ......"

Things like that were hard.  I still remember the smell.

Other things were scary, like the armed military soldiers, with guns as long as I was tall in the subways.  Police on every corner.

I took a shower every morning before heading into my internship, but also had to take a shower each night.  Being exposed to the air, just a few blocks from the World Trade Center site, left me dirty.  Dirty enough to darken an entire white washcloth.  My hair was disgusting.  I had it cut to just 1 inch all over, and it was still filthy at the end of each day.  I had to stop wearing my contact lenses due to chronic eye infections.  I had chronic sinus infections, and without a doctor in NYC, kept calling my primary care doc back home (he finally told me I had to find a doctor in the city).

On top of living in a city that had just been attacked by terrorists, I was dealing with death every day.  Working with people who were living with AIDS.  Dying from it.  If you've ever seen someone dying from AIDS or AIDS related complex, you know it's not a gentle passing.  It's a horrible, painful, and frightening to watch.  I still remember the ones I worked with who died.  Their suffering.  Things that made them smile.

My brief time in New York City has shaped the person I am today.  The Mother I am today. 

I always wonder what it would have been like if I had started my internship on September 10th.  I would have been blocks away from the attack.  I thank God for the blessing of putting my internship off 1 week.