2 Years

Dear Kenny,

I'm missing you right now.  I miss you everyday, but the selling of the house, seeing your furniture in my own house, and Mom's house, and Drew's house, and knowing I can't go back to Vernon St the way it was again, is like opening up a wound.  In some ways I want to go back in time.  Back to the old days.  When you were sitting in the rocking chair watching the news.  When you brought Mary up her morning cup of tea and toast, even back to our last trip with you and Mary living in the house, when I brought you tea and toast.  I know we can't go back, only forward, and if we went back I wouldn't have my sweet boy, whom I can't imagine life without., but I also want you here.  I want to take the kids and let them enjoy Bart's Ice-Cream and then go to Sweeties and buy them chocolate.  I want to take a picnic lunch to your bench at Look Park, and have you and Mamie sit there with us. 

It's been 2 years now.  2 years since I called your house, while I was outside pushing the girls on the swings, and Mamie told me you had fallen again, and were at the hospital.  I still feel a twinge out at the swing set sometimes, and think of that phone call.  2 years since Daddy P & I decided to pack our bags and drive up to see you, to bring your namesake to meet you.   K wasn't even 1.  They didn't want her in your hospital room, and told me if I brought her in, that you couldn't touch her.  I told them that wasn't going to happen.  There are some decisions that are made, ones you make in a split second, or even after months of planning, that you regret.  Our decision to pack and leave and go to you is one I will never regret, and in fact tell people it was one of the best decisions I ever made.  I loved being with you those days.  We delayed our return, and then delayed it again, just to have a little more time with you and with Mamie. 

I'd love a little more time now too.  We were more than blessed with a wonderful relationship and amazing times together, and for those years, really a lifetime of memories, I'm eternally thankful, greatful, etc..., but tonight I miss you.